Wacky Wasteland
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Quest: Wacky Wasteland | ||
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| The Quest-Giver is: Hasso the Farmer in In the A Tent in the Wasteland location | |||
| Destination: | {{{access}}} | {{{dest}}} | |
| Party Access: | {{{party}}} | {{{shared}}} | |
| Requirements: | none | ||
| Completion: | Find Father Confessor
Scare a prisoner to death Kill Hub's banker Kill the jeweler from Redding Kill Sid from Golden Globes porn studio Kill another banker Cause a bloodbath in the Cathedral south of San Francisco | ||
| Rewards: | From 22500 to 23500 XP At least 1000 Caps Between -150 and -195 Karma Tragic addiction 1 broken arm 1 broken leg At least 2 Gold Nuggets Crystal necklace Ball gag Tandi rubber doll 6 condoms (2 of each color) 1000 NCR dollars Loot of Sid from Golden Globes porn studio Loot of NCR banker if you are fast enough and choose NCR as the 2nd bank Reward from the preacher from Cathedral if you are fast enough and willing to take it | ||
| Repeatable: | No | {{{timer}}} | |
| Notes: | It's incomplete and prevents completing Blood-Soaked Heroes | ||
Come, Muttley! It's time to take over the world! Well, that's settled: I've gone bonkers...
This story begins when you accept an invitation into "the void" as a result of speaking with Hasso, the husband in A Tent in the Wasteland temporary camp. He disappears and a dark, foreboding and shadowy figure appears in his place.
NOTE: You are warned this is not for beginners, and is the "Evil Campaign". While undeniably evil, it can't be further from the truth that this is not a quest for new players. Doing this quest line is an easy way to pocket a lot of experience. With this quest line alone, you can advance from 0 experience to level 7 within an hour.
NOTE: You can run this quest and Blood-Soaked Heroes at the same time, but it has been reported that this quest prevents you from getting an important message in Hub's Post Office, effectively stopping your progress in the main story.
NOTE: This quest line is not finished. Read below to find out more.
Accepting the quest
This needs to be done with good timing, as the tent with Hasso will disappear if you do not advance the plot of A Tent in the Wasteland within a specific frame of time. It is not known how long, but a few IRL days is enough to miss it.
Rewards
Mission 1
Your first goal is to find a spaceship in Hub. This is by far the hardest part of the quest line, as the truth is there is no spaceship so to speak of. Since this is "wacky" wasteland, so is our character, quest related NPCs and motives of these characters.
While you may want to try and find the "spaceship" on your own, the next paragraph continues with the actual solution. Various NPCs across the Hub have dialog options related to the spaceship in question which may give you the idea one of them knows its location which is nothing further from the truth.
Your character will realize they found their spaceship once they talk to Father Confessor, who preaches in the Church of the Followers of the Apocalypse, in the northern part of Water Merchants district in the Hub. There he will transform into the previously mentioned sinister figure and go on about the usual evil business. After that, he will task you with delivering a bag of bones to a certain prisoner located in the Hub's police department.
Rewards
- 1 broken arm, 1 broken leg
- Your HP drops to 6 or other ridiculously small value
- 2500 xp
- -13 karma
Mission 2
You must deliver the bag of bones to one of the prisoners in the Hub's police department. The dialog should go pretty smooth and the prisoner in question will begin to experience unimaginable fear when presented with the bones. You goof off with the bones and observe as the poor prisoner boils and dies in agonizing pain. You have the option to take the bones back with you.
Rewards
You report back to Father Confessor and during this crazy encounter you destroy a statue and inside you find your reward, which gets you to go on the next part.
- 3000 xp for causing the death of the prisoner, tested with taking the bones
- -14 karma for killing the prisoner and taking the bones
- 2500 xp for returning this quest without taking the bones
- 3500 xp for returning this quest if you took the bones back with you
- -20 karma when returning the quest and taking the bones back
- 2 Fool's Gold
- 2 Gold Nuggets guaranteed
- random unknown amount of extra gold nuggets if you took the bones back with you, sometimes it's 1, sometimes 2
Total rewards
- 5500 xp guaranteed
- up to -34 karma
- 2 Fool's Gold guaranteed
- 2 Gold Nuggets guaranteed
- If you take the bones, additional gold nuggets
- If you take the bones, 1000 more xp
Hmm... I received some Gold Nuggets... and a few pieces of Fool's Gold! I wonder what the purpose of this was? I feel like maybe I was given two fake nuggets for a reason! Better keep one safe in case I lose one. I don't think I'll get many second chances! This Fool's Gold must be used for something special! I'd better guard it with my life! Should visit a banker next, maybe get it appraised? Maybe it isn't just Fool's Gold! But something rather supernatural instead!
Mission 3
You decide you need to ask the Hub's banker to appraise the worth of your fool's gold on the off-chance it isn't fool's gold. During the conversation, the banker gets killed with the fool's gold.
Rewards
- 2000 xp
- -12 karma
Tally ho, Muttley! To the city of gold! To the safest town in the city! To Redding! Redding! The city of heroes! And villains, of course! We swim! We fly! We arrive soon! I fucking hope so! Holy crap! Why do my feet hurt so much? Have I really been using them for transportation?! What's wrong with me!! They're meant for dancing!
Mission 4
You must travel to Redding to have your fool's gold inspected by a jeweler. Not just any jeweler. The NPC which you must reach is literally called "Jeweler", he's a black gentleman wearing a red shirt and lives in the eastern part of Redding between molerat cages, south of the billboard saying "Molerat mambo". Once you reach him, through the powers vested in you by dialog options, you bludgeon him to death with your fool's gold. While doing so, the fool's gold cracks open to reveal a crystal necklace inside.
The dialog's premise is that you find the jeweler drunk. You assume he insulted your mother in his drunken muttering. You confront him about it but he's just as bewildered and surprised as you. Typical for a delirious loony, you don't take this kind of smug crap from him and smash his head open with the fool's gold. Despite the dialog options' assurances, you do not lose any fool's gold you carry.
Rewards
- Crystal necklace
- 3500 xp
- -20 karma
Oh, wow! A glimmering jewel! I wonder what the fuck this is for?! It's too bad that I killed that Jeweler! His knowledge of precious gems would have been useful, damn! I should visit some sort of place... with the word "Golden" in it. Maybe that'll unveil some answers?
Mission 5
Go to Golden Globes porn studio in New Reno. It's on 2nd street. Talk to Sid.
Sid is upset you're bothering him. He asks rhetorically if he looks like a banker and tells you to get bent. You're an evil villain and you take no shit from nobody, and so you give him to the count of banana to lie down and kill himself. You count to banana within the same dialog option you present him this wacky opportunity to redeem his offensive behavior to you. He's surprised but he doesn't live to tell the rest of his feelings as you pounce on him and viciously stab him to death, resulting in a gratifying explosive death animation.
Rewards
- 4000 xp
- Ball gag
- Rubber doll, "Tandi" model
- 2 red condoms
- 2 green condoms
- 2 blue condoms
- -20 karma
- whatever Sid was carrying is left to pick up from the ground, not his exploded corpse - this is pretty useful as he's usually carrying a shotgun, some ammo and caps
That was useful! I feel SOOOO much better now! Yippie! Guess I should go speak with a banker... doesn't matter which city really. I wonder if the Hub has a new banker yet? Muahahhahahahh!! Off to see the banker! The wonderful banker of-- nevermind. Let's just go find a damn banker already!
Mission 6
Just talk to any banker. Confirmed working bankers:
- Hub
- Redding
- NCR although it is recommended to loot his body quickly, the cheapskate guard next to him will rush to the opportunity to loot him faster than you can blink
The banker will try to calmly explain that the fool's gold you wave around is really just that. They will point to impurities, ask you to take notice of them and come to terms it's worthless. This outrageous appraisal is met with threat of violence from you. The banker will ask you to stop as he says this is not an ordinary rock! It gets your hopes up only to reveal in a plot twist that he recognizes this is the same rock that killed their cousin.
After pulverizing another innocent person with the fool's gold, you realize this is foolish and your quest has no direction. You feel lost, uncertain and unable to comprehend this insanity.
Just as you had a moment to snap out of it all, it kicks back in tenfold - you realize this fool's gold is now worth even more as its outer shell cracked open to reveal a supernatural posession.
As the banker dies, they might say 'Rashin 'fashing ${yourName}'dastardly!. At this point you probably realized this quest is full to the brim with references to Wacky Races.
Reward
- 5000 xp
- 1000 NCR dollars
- at least 1000 bottle caps
- 6 golden teeth (worth at least 40 caps to another banker)
- 500 Kokoweef mine scrips
- 500 Morningstar mine scrips
- -30 karma
Guess I'm off looking for the next clue! Oh, boy! It's like a treasure hunt but with actual blood stained treasure! Where the hell am I going to find someone that shouts about Holy Fire though? Hmmm... better start SOMEWHERE!
Mission 7
Travel to Cathedral located south of San Francisco and talk to Old Creepy Priest.
Admittedly the conversation with this preacher is pretty funny, so I won't spoil it to you. After the funny part, you two realize that the fool's gold you carried around everywhere is the famous Godstone. Awesome as it may be, the priest is clueless what to do with this.
He will offer you to join the Church of the Cathedral and through some Dr. Evil vibes try to convince you they are quite evil and you should consider this opportunity.
At some point he offers 2 million bottlecaps for the Godstone, but you start to fight because he said it's "his" gem before he gave you the money. You attack the priest, he submits and he starts praying with his guards.
They start fighting each other and you try to join the fight. You throw the Godstone at one of the worshippers, but it stops mid-air and starts flying around the room. The Godstone enters one of the dead worshippers and implodes its body.
You awaken in a strange mist and the Godstone demands it enters your mind. It begins to screech and behave like an annoying shit until you yield and agree to submit to it.
Abrupt cliffhanger
WARNING! READ CAREFULLY! OR ELSE YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE REWARDS!!!
You phase back into reality and the priest is barely alive. You have the option to:
- take his robes and leave
- take his money and leave
- take his gun and leave
- take nothing and leave
- take everything and leave
After selecting any of the above options, there will be one more dialog screen with the NPC, but you must act quick!!! The script of the quest is set such that the preacher will turn into a dancing burning smiling sprite before you have the chance of selecting the final option that ends the dialog properly. This really sucks! It doesn't even give the player enough time to read the messages. However, if you record your screen, you can get a glimpse of what you could have read. Furthermore, if you quickly select this dialog option, you will successfully finish the quest and receive rewards!
ADVICE: Prepare yourself to end the quest properly by selecting the dialog option after the opportunity to take the preacher's stuff, before the script interrupts your dialogue. If you don't, you might not get any rewards. Pressing 1 in quick succession after selecting your reward is recommended.
NPC: [... praise it... praise it... praise it... praise...]
Player: Huh... well... I'm pretty damn crazy. Better tune in next time for more "Hello! Where is my mind?". Me and Muttley'll figure it out! Ain't that right, boy?
Rewards
- -50 karma regardless of finishing the dialog properly.
- glitched quest entry in PipBoy, as there is nothing more to this quest.
- Bridgekeeper's Robes in pristine 100%/100% condition and way more negative karma if you take his robes and leave and finish the dialog properly.
Requirements
- None whatsoever. It's possible to do this quest as soon as possible. So much for assuring this quest is for advanced players.
Hints
- This quest does not involve any combat despite gruesome descriptions of violence, death and intimidation present in dialogs.
- Prepare a car or 10 scouting books to make travelling to Hub, Redding, New Reno and Cathedral much easier.